Can we Flow when we ‘intend’ or ‘affirm’ or employ positive thinking techniques?

sunflower_4This is a truly excellent question asked by a beautiful Mum friend of mine recently, and one that often comes up – mainly because even if the idea of Flow connects with the original wisdom within us, we still find it hard to believe that we are not in charge…

especially as we are surrounded by techniques – positive thinking, affirmations, goals, NLP – some of which can work really well sometimes.
The stand-out word being ‘some’ (why not ‘all’?) because, yes, these techniques are a form of control, benevolent control usually – controlling our thinking.
This is the KEY. The Power of Thought. We all have it – it comes as standard at birth, this gift, and is developed over time (ever seen a stressed-out baby?). In fact, you could say (and this is how Sydney Banks saw it in 1973, and his uncovering of this way of describing our divine gifts was what lifted the veil on my own depressive tendencies) we are born with 3 gifts – Thought, (Universal) Mind (trust in this gift is the main component of what I have chosen to call Flow) and Consciousness (the awareness we have as alive human beings, that allows us to bring our thought-experiences to life).

So, back to ‘controlling our thinking’. When we start to understand (truly understand, beyond our superficial intellect/ego – this took me a good 2-3 years and I still drop in and out of deeply ‘getting it’!) that our personal thinking, powered by the gift of Thought, is just that – personal, subjective, not truth but our own individual fabricated illusion, we start to be able to look at our thinking differently, lightly, taking it less seriously – which allows it to pass through, and we remain un(or less!)scathed.
But, what it is that  ‘hurts’ us is our feelings. It’s all very well to observe your thoughts as illusion and ignore them, but often we don’t know what we’ve been thinking – we just get the shitty feelings, and boom, we ‘do what we do’ (whether that is sink into depression (me!), become chronically anxious, act out our dangerous thoughts etc). The Feelings Barometer is crucial to understand.

It is actually the Thought-Feeling barometer really – every thought we have (acc to research, between 40 and 120,000 a day – yes, that’s why tracking your thinking ain’t gonna work!) triggers a corresponding feeling. It’s a great system – it brings our thoughts to life, creating a tangible experience of life. Tangible, but, remember, not real…. This is what, when the penny drops, takes the sting out of our intense belief in what we are thinking-feeling. We created it. We are so clever like that! But it is not real. Think of your life as a sophisticated movie that you are completely lost in, living-as-if-real all the highs and lows. And ponder on this too – can our feelings really hurt us…?

So, how DO we deal with all this thinking-feeling then? – with positive thinking techniques?  – speaking formulated affirmations? The reason this MAY work SOMETIMES is that your thinking really may align with well-being, after all we were built that way – to live in the well-being provided by being in the Flow of life, trusting in Universal Mind. But so often we get caught out by the underlying, invisible (we can’t make visible the thousands and thousands of thoughts we have a day 😊) thinking that derails our well- meaning techniques.
What CAN you ‘do’? What can you do when the feeling is painful?

Nothing. Leave it alone. Be mindful as much as possible of this process (the human operating system!) and let it self-correct, which it will, IF you leave it alone 😉 How long does this take…? Moments. Years. Who knows. But it does seem that the more you understand who you really are (Mind) and how your create your own unique special experience of life (Thought, Consciousness) the quicker it is.

For me now, usually, it is moments – and I live more in Love with the incredible magic of Life every day, with every experience and every realisation of how bloody ridiculously miraculous our very existence is….! (And how entertainingly crazy my own thinking can be!)
A word about intentions though (and I guess goals, although you can more obviously see the ‘forced’ element here I expect). We ARE creative, desirous beings – and this is to be rejoiced!! The juice is in our rich imaginations (powered by Thought) and I can only believe that we are here to have fun with it! Lovingly. Compassionately. Light-heartedly. We get ‘into trouble’ when we attach ourselves to outcomes.

Life is bigger than we are, each one of us. Allowing ourselves to dream, with a light heart in the spirit of fun, knowing that Flow will work out the details, is a great way to let imagination experience the feelings of joy/peace/love/happiness/etc that we might seek. For, whatever your specific goal/intention (and, please, don’t be too specific 😉) your actual goal is the feeling you believe the achievement will bring. It’s all about the feeling! So, why not try missing out the middle guy, and imagine that particular feeling – your wisdom will bring you ideas to follow, actions to take. Take them with light-hearted ease – detach from circumstantial outcome and you are allowing Flow.

You might swing, like a pendulum, in and out of Trust, but being mindful of the process (the 3 Principles outlined above) and throwing in a dash of Acceptance, Gratitude, Trust and Allowing (Love, basically!) your life will unfold FOR you, with so much less effort on your part. And, you will find yourself living in the feelings you have always desired to be living in, as if by magic… 😉

The Flow Coach

You are who you hang out with!


Napoleon Hill – “Men take on the nature and the habits and the power of thought of those with whom they associate in the spirit of sympathy and harmony”Think & Grow Rich

Networking has become the dark corner for so many women in business. It’s time to shine some light, find your tribe and strut your STUFF!

 4 easy questions to ask yourself to help you get out there and find your people

–          Do I stay or do I go? – to network or not to network….

So, you don’t like networking?

Do you stay at home and satisfy yourself that social networking behind your computer screen is just as good?

The truth is, it isn’t! When you stay at home / in the office, you restrict your growth and prevent yourself from building relationships that will really help your business. NOT getting out there and communicating person-to-person serves you only by feeding your mind with negative beliefs about yourself (I am not good enough, I can’t network, no-one wants to listen to me) – guess what, it is all in your head!  When you do get out there, persist and take some good advice on how to make the most of your experience (read on!)


–          What and who inspires me?

What DO you like doing? Perhaps you love having the best coffee in town, or exploring a place you’ve not visited before – look for a meet that might fulfil this for you, and experiment!

What beliefs do you have that spur you ON?

That belief in community or collaboration or even fun that you have? Dust off those beliefs, re-engage with them and make those your joyful focus while meeting new people!

WHO are your mentors, go-to people for inspiration, famous people you admire?

Find out where they are speaking or holding events, and GO there!

And when they are not around, place yourself in their shoes (buy a pair just like them if you have to!) and breathe in the powerful knowledge that if they can inspire you, you too can inspire others – it is within us all.


What makes you laugh?

Take your sense of humour with you!


–          Where am I AT right now?

Are you an entrepreneur in a big learning phase?

Whether you are just starting or up-levelling, step up, invest in a quality networking meeting and absorb the higher frequency of the people who are at YOUR next level

Are you working for someone else?

You can still make it fun, don’t be afraid to look at personal development aims as well as aims of the business you are working in – guess what, if you are more light-hearted and having more fun, you’re so much more likely to achieve the business goals you’ve been set anyway.

Have you never been to a networking meeting before?

Enjoy it! You will never have your first time again! Take some of these tips here with you, stay present and get collecting those business cards (read further on for more info on this)


–          What is my ‘mind-set smile’?

Get yourself your own personal mind-trick!! If you find yourself getting too caught up in the outcomes you want to achieve, stuck in your own head, STEP OUT of it. Either move (best place to go is outside for some fresh air), or refer to your mind-set smile

This could be a picture of your child laughing, your dog playing, something more personal that I cannot write here ;o)



And, breathe!


4 essential tips to making the most of your networking experience

(even when you have to force yourself just to get there!)


–          LISTEN

Of course! Yet, I have had so many ‘conversations’ with people who just talk. I remember a time when that was me too! I let my passion for what I did block out any meaningful interaction. Listen. Really listen. Deeply listen. Be present to what that person is saying, not to your thoughts about what they are saying OR your thoughts on what you are about to say! This last piece is especially distracting, so learn to avoid it.

If you have a deep and meaningful conversation with just one person, how much more creative and fulfilling is that than if you had stayed away?

Remember this, for someone to be interested in what you are offering them, whether today, next week or next year, you have to first be interested in them.


–          Ask questions

This might sound obvious, but I have been to so many networking events where I am talked at or if yes I am listened to, there are no questions forthcoming. How does this feel when it happens to you? For me, it gives me the unsettled feeling that I’m actually not being listened to after all! Throw in some unusual ones too – you can be really creative with this (depending on your brand, business etc), but these can make you stand out and put your most interesting side forward.

Questions like – if you weren’t doing x what would you be doing? What did you want to do as a child? When was your best, most fun networking experience? Who really inspires you? Do you enjoy networking? (!)

Another good idea is to throw in some of your own market research questions too. If you are about to launch a new product or service, people will always appreciate that you value their opinion AND it is a great way to open a dialogue that can lead to other things, like promoting you, JVs, even that person becoming a client of course.


–          Collect business-cards

If this is your one and only outcome, you’ve picked a good one! Find out all about them, take a business card and offer to send them your monthly newsletter.

Taking the focus away from your own business card really helps you take the focus off yourself… “Why is that a good thing?” have you ever had that self-conscious feeling when networking? The one that turns into self-judgement and self-criticism? So, make it NOT about you. And THEN you’ll be in the flow…….


–          Make it about them not you

OK, so listening and asking questions can just about achieve this. But, if you get into your heart, set the intention to feel connected to the person you are talking with, you and they will really feel the difference…… AND if it feels completely misaligned, politely move on to the next person – your time is very valuable, be present to how you can make best use of it.

Detach from YOUR outcome and learn about theirs – it’s so much easier and so much more fun!


If you have any questions or comments, I would love to hear from you!

Post here or email me on

The ‘Beautiful Game’ of Achieving Your Heart’s Desires

The Footballer’s Approach to Setting and Reaching Your Life Goals!

A Brief Guide

To score a goal, the best footballers:

  • Know that practise makes perfect
    Look at what you have already tried, what worked and what didn’t – ensure you learn from past experience, never dismiss or regret it AND keep checking-in with your goal, each day imagine the effects of achieving it
  • Keep trying if their first kick misses
    The key here is perseverance. If you are still emotionally-engaged with this goal, it is worth going through a few set-backs for and getting back on the road in the right direction!

  • Have an amazing team around them
    Few goals are achievable without the help or input of not another single human being… Ask for and get help – don’t let your pride get in the way
  • Have a support network outside of the team
    Similarly, your family/friends and others in your support network will provide the essential encouragement, good humour and emotional (or other, eg. financial) support to speed your journey to where you want to go
  • Use anchoring (kit, football pitch, lucky charms, hair-cuts/beards! etc)
    Anyone familiar with NLP will have heard of the Spatial Anchor. This is the
    concept that having a certain item or being in a certain place can has the psychological effect of bringing you back to the feeling you need to capture to move forward towards your goal; eg. if you are a singer/actor/speaker and you got a standing ovation at one event, wearing blue – blue becomes your anchor for success
  • Face the right direction
    We need to figure out which direction to head to reach our own goals – make sure you can ‘see’ your destination.

  • Are well-trained in the skills/expertise it takes to aim and ‘hit’ the space between the posts
    As well as travelling in the right direction, we need to make sure we fine-tune the detail of our journey.

  • Develop a success confidence (learn how to take on the mind-set of success by being with the right coaches/trainers)
    Get the best advice, guidance and support from the best people in your field – hire a coach or mentor to provide you with a feeling of assured success
  • Can visualise a successful result
    More and more sports people are hiring coaches and other personal development experts to work on their mental approach. The following techniques have been proven to work in accelerating the journey to scoring OR achieving your goals:Visualisation – by mentally taking the exact steps and really ‘seeing’ the results in your mind, your brain is programmed to ‘live’ the success you are aiming forLaw of attraction – you get what you focus on. Focus on failure, and that is where you may be headed!Affirmations – repeated statements of success similarly programme your brain to move in the desired direction.
  • Provide themselves with the best equipment/resources that they can
    What exactly do you NEED? What books/advice/equipment/experience/information? Get it ALL!

  • Adjust their targets, to give a success-mentality in lead-up to ultimate goal
    r the longer-term goals, set journey goals to plot a path of successes leading up to the Ultimate Success
  • Share their results… not just with those who rely on them scoring those goals
    TELL someone (or more than one!) what it is you are aiming to achieve. Make yourself accountable – it’s more difficult to give up if someone other than yourself is relying on you!

  • Are those who get a massive emotional pay-off on scoring a goal (the ‘high of success’)
    The minute you lose the emotional-engagement with the achievement of a specific goal, you may as well forget it (or, at least, adjust it). The more the feeling of getting it thrills you, the more you can channel positive energy into it.
  • Are constantly looking for a ‘way-in’ to score that perfect goal
    Make sure you are self-aware and conscious of the world around you. Will you spot that rare opportunity when it comes knocking at your door?

  • Know that there is a huge pay-off at the end for a positive result
    Your goal does not have to be monetary or even involve financial gain. Making sure you know how you will reward yourself at the end of your successful journey provides a juicy added incentive to score the perfect goal….

Train like a Premier League Footballer and you WILL score your goals!